Sally and Jack

I went to see Sally at her home today. Her husband Jack is doing Ph.D and they live in a one-bed room on the campus. Icecube and I used to live next door. Sally often came over and talked with me.

She and her husband is an “untraditional” couple around here. They are around 40 and have no children. I noticed that whenever people talk about having baby, Sally would walk away. They are the only couple here of whom we know English names rather than Chinese.

Jack always looks quiet and serious and don’t socialize with other Chinese students. I used to see him carrying a big backpack to study in the morning, and coming back home around the same time every day in the afternoon. If he greeted you at all, it would not be more than a “hello” and he then immediately turned his face the other way with an emotionless look that dismissed any of your further attempts to have a short conversation.

Sally is like a caring sister for me. We used to be warmly invited (so warmly that you could hardly refuse)) to the Bible study group in the nearby Chinese Christian church and we both were “not quite into it”. She always got a seat for me before she sat down. Once when Sally was with us, Icecube said he liked dumplings and I was terrible with making dumplings. The next day, Sally knocked at our door, with a large plate of dumplings she just made.

Their apartment was still in the same look as before. As most Chinese students, they only have a few pieces of furniture that only God can tell how many people have used—a desk we gave before we moved out of campus, and a couch covered with a sheet, with a huge pile of Jack’s textbooks lying on it. They live even simpler than most of us—they don’t have a TV, and they have a computer sitting over a paper box beside their bed. The bed and the computer are the only things in their bedroom.

Sally soon became sad when I asked how she had been after I left. She told me she was still in the cold war with her husband and she could not concentrate on study. Sally told me after we became familiar that she and Jack hold Canadian passports. She went to college in Canada long time ago, but that didn’t help her land a job here in the U.S. So she applied to a master program in the University of Maryland where they don’t ask for GRE score. She was accepted and the admission letter was sent to her. However, her husband didn’t let her go because no financial aid was given. Over the past one year and half, Sally has been in cold war with her husband. The war became colder at the beginning of each semester when a renewed admission notice came. The war has been on all through this summer because UMD told Sally that the admission offered to her expired this year. She finally decided to take the GMT. But the preparation for the test made her even angrier. She found the test hard for her and she had to go through the agony all because of her husband.

“He just doesn’t want to spend the money on me. He simply wants someone to cook for him everyday.” Sally said, looking away from me. In the past, whenever she talked about this, she repeated that two sentences, which she thought were the major reasons for the lack of support from her husband.

“He keeps sending money to his family in China, not mentioning how hard we are here. He doesn’t let me go to Maryland even I promise him I will loan money from my friends.” She continued. There was bitterness in her voice and contempt on her face.

Sally once told me that she used to be quiet and her friend was surprised to see her become an outgoing woman. “Life made me so. I had to change. What else could you have done?” She said.

I definitely understand that part. If a woman marries a man who refuses to take care of things outside the house, she has no choice but becomes stronger.

But that is almost all about her past she told me. I could sense there is something unusual going on behind their marriage. She never says “he” to refer to her husband in our conversation. Jack had been working for a couple of years before he came to school here. But they don’t live like he did. Their marriage is like a mystery to me.

Sally told me because she once had a bad car accident in Canada, her neck and legs bother her because she wasn’t treated to full recovery after the accident. Sometimes it becomes worse and she can hardly sleep. She doesn’t have a medical insurance that would cover the treatment here.
“Why didn’t you go back to China to see a doctor. It is much cheaper.” I suggested.
She didn’t say anything, but sighed.

As I was doing message for her neck, I was thinking how lucky I am, and why life can become so hard for such a nice woman.